❤ Spa Day And Becoming An Aunty ❤

I received my first Christmas card today. It was so very touching. One of my cousins, sent me one along with a hand written letter. I hope that, in the future, we will be able to grow closer to each other. Our family having different schedule and need, it wasn't always simple to get together, and since she has a sister that was already close to me, it made things even more complicated. Now, I realize that surrounding yourself with the right friends is crucial. I know that she is that kind of friend. A friend who can support, listen, and be true. I am bound to be the same in return. I am sure we will be great friends in the near future, supporting each other with our believes and same standards.

Tomorrow, I am giving myself a well-deserved pampering day at the Spa with my Mother. The Spa is situated near our neighborhood and is on the top of a roof building. It gives quite a nice view and a special touch of snow makes it even more magical. We will also get a massage. I can't wait. With my back injury, now extending all the way to my neck, it's nice to know that I will have some kind of treatment to relieve the pain that I endure for about a month now.

Also, my Russian learning is going well. I am still at the basics, but it is good to start slow, and start well. I find it harder than expected to learn the alphabet. There is more symbols than the French and English alphabet and some symbols are the same, but have different pronounciations. Quite confusing if you ask me!

Yesterday, We celebrated the birthday of my oldest brother. Officially, his birthday was today, but because of our schedule, we had no other choice to celebrate it one day in advance. It was nice seeing everyone. His wife is pregnant and is due for the twelfth of January. We don't know the sex of the baby yet, we will know when he/she is born. I can't wait to see the little face and be an aunt. I am sure this baby will have wonderful parents and will learn to grow into an amazing person.

What is it like to become an Aunt? Mmh. I guess it's not all that amazing for some people, but for me it's a whole different story. It is the first time there will be a baby in the family, and the first time that I will be an Aunt. I know that when my brother and my sister-in-law will come to my place, I will get to know my nephew/niece a little better. We will be able to talk about all sort of things. We could bake together, or draw, or sing, or go for walks. I don't know, but we will sure have a lot of fun together. When I was younger, I never really got to know my Aunts and Uncles. For me, it is extremely essential, and it's such an amazing relationship I believe. Its not like your parents or your grand-parents. It's different. I wish I could've been closer to my aunts, but sadly, they never really came up to me and showed interest. I craved that kind of relationship. I won't be the kind of Aunt that'll try to embarass my niece or nephew. I won't invade them either. Giving them the space they need, but beeing there when they need it.


Aunty can't wait to see you little shrimp!

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❅ Winter Photoshoot ❅

I wonder how I managed to have a photoshoot, by myself, in the cold snow of yesterday after-noon. I think, the will of trying on new things, and getting myself to start photoshooting more often was the main reason. I hope I will not fall ill from this. It was extremely cold out, and I had no one to help me shoot these pictures. It was a lot of fun, and I had a good laugh at myself everytime I would have to press the button and then run in place trying not to slip so I wouldn't ruin my skirt. Long live camera timers.

So, the idea of the shoot was to feature my new wig from a pretty famous wig store online. They didn't ask me to do this, I just thought it was a fun idea since I absolutely love this wig and I wanted to play around with tribal makeup. The snow gave a nice effect to the finishing touch and also, I want to get better at using my new Canon T3i. Also, I am aware the tribal makeup isn't on point, I was rushing to put it on my face since the sun was going down at a impressive speed.

So, here are the pictures! and yes, this is me!

The wig is from Lockshop Wigs, in Mermaid Beachy. It goes to right under my breasts, and has nice, soft, curls. They are heat resistant but I haven't tried using my curling iron on them yet. It is my most expensive wig to date and the quality is a-mazing. I am glad with this purchase and I recommend this store for anyone on the look out for good quality wigs.

For the makeup, I used my regular foundation with my revlon black eyeliner, Manga mascara and NYC black pencil liner. For the tribal makeup, I used a simple, non-toxic black body paint, found anywhere in the DIY section of any stores.

Hope you enjoyed this post and look forward to my future photoshoots! 

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✿ Miakoda ✿

✘ A Poem For You, My Dear ✘

Dear You,

I think you worry too much,
Thinking about the worse and such.
You lose sleep over it,
Thinking you'll never overcome this shit.

Afraid of what's to come,
Always looking for a way to run,
Run, run, runaway.

You don't want to fail,
Afraid of failure, you never try anything,
Turns out failure is already there.
Already in your head, eating your everything.

You always want what you don't have,
You thought a tomb would make you glad.
You got it all wrong,
That's not how you'll get strong.

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✿ Miakoda ✿

✞ Living Is Learning ✞

I've got some good news everyone! As I wrote a few post back, I had my driving exam Monday (the day before yesterday), and guesss what? I passed! I was so pleased. Still am. It is a great feeling. It took me close to two years to get my liscence, and now, I am a proud owner of one. I obviously don't have my own car yet, but I will be able to take my parent's car once in a while with their consent.

Snow has finally settled for winter. I am glad. Makes things more complicated when driving but I'll get use to it with time. After all, I do live in the province of Quebec. I don't really have a choice do I.


Christmas is coming so fast! I can't contain my excitment. I bought two third of the presents I want to give so I am on schedule and since this is all done, I get to really enjoy the Holidays spirit while relaxing, stress-free in my living room. I even started a new hobby. Since I have really good memorization skills for texts and whatnot, I decided to start learning Russian again. I used to learn at home with an app but I stopped and now I'm getting back into it. Quite pleasing! It is, unfortunately, giving me serious headaches, but it is worth the pain. Helps me kill time while making me smarter. It's a win-win situation here. I am learning with a new app (forgot what it's called) and it is extremely helpful! I get to learn so much. I'm taking things slow though and trying to only learn to speak, write, and read eight words per day.

Also continuing drawing every now and then. That too, helps me kill time, and relieve some of the extra stress that I really don't need. I might just upload a few of my drawings here and there.

Talking about relaxing, someone who really should learn to relax more in the Holiday time is my dear mother. She took so many work contracts that she barely has the time to relax and enjoy Christmas. She hasn't even finished doing her Christmas preparations and shopping. I will do my best to help her for the food and the guests and everything in between, but even then, I am afraid for her health. What if she worns herself out? Perhaps she didn't think about these things and just wanted to take as much work as she could. I think she regrets it a bit now,  Anyway, I shall do my best to help.


Now what should I write about? Mmh. Ah, yes, I went to see the Mockingjay Part 1 yesterday and it was a great film. I found the beginning to be rather long and looks like they waited a while before letting a bit more action in. Not action literally like guns and bombs but I mean, just plain action like things important happening that makes a movie interesting, It was more about the characters walking around saying how much they were traumatised and how everything was going to ashes. The end was really good, but yeah, it was the end. Guess it makes the public even more anticipating Part 2.


Now I am just relaxing after a cleaning the house day, while sipping on a nice cup of tea. I might draw a little bit after this, and continue the book I started a while ago, The Death Cure. The third book in The Maze Runner series. They are currently making their second film. Now that's a movie I can't wait to see!




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Miakoda ✿

✎ Daily Doodles and Snow Storm ❅

There's been many snow storm warnings, I haven't been able to go to the library as I intended to today. So instead, I spent my time drawing in my little drawing pad. Nothing better than a nice, winter storm day, at home drawing random doodles. Tea is always welcomed, along with freshly made muffins.

In case you wanted to see some of my doodles...more to come

Nothing special here,but I'm getting better at it. I also thought about starting to take piano lessons. My mother is a music teacher and she teaches violin, cello, and piano. It's great to already have a teacher at my disposition. She even told me she was fine with giving me lessons. I think its a great way to be creative and take care of my artistic side. It was also on my list of things I wish to accomplish. I will probably be able to start in January 2015. So many things I want to do in 2015, it's overwhelming, but a nice kind of overwhelment.

Now for some other news, or if I should say, other thoughts.
I found the gift I will offer to one of my three brothers for Christmas. We decided to each dip a name and buy one gift for that person. It makes things easier for the ones who can't spend too much. There was so many people in the shopping centre but I managed to find my way through the croud. Large groups of people make me very anxious and makes me panic sometimes. I tried concentrating on what I was doing there and it helped me. Afterwards, I relaxed in front of a coffee and a peach yogurt. My mother was with me this day but she was also doing her own Christmas shopping.

Tomorrow, I am working at an event with the catering business I work for, but next week, I will have more free time and it'll mean Christmas is really close now. It makes everything so much more exciting. It also means that next Monday, I have my driving exam. I am nervous, but I will do my best, and wish that no storm will show up that day.

❅❅❅






Miakoda ✿

Taking Care Of Yourself

It can be hard. Making yourself believe you're fine with the way you treat yourself. That you're strong and need no help. Truth is, it is only a whole lot of lies. It is alright to be sensitive, to need help, and once in a while, take care of yourself. Actually, anyone should take care of themselves everyday of their lives. Problem is, I was one of those people, that just can't seem to accept the fact that, I am sensitive. I do need help sometimes. And it is okay, to not be okay all the time.

I am letting myself go. Slowly, but surely. By doing so, I am letting my happiness vanish. I need to pull myself together. Dare to live a normal life. Stop being so damn worried all the time. Yes, I will still live with my anxiety, nervous nature, and sensitivity to my surroundings, but, I believe I can learn to live with all of this. Everyone can, right? I'll learn, with time, to believe it.

I think making a list of things I want to accomplish in my life can help me. Goals and whatnot. Here are some of the things, in my life, I want to be able to accomplish: (no particular order)

• take better care of my body/exercise more
• draw more and take care of the artist inside of me
• sign up for a school program
• find a part time job
• get my driver's liscense
• stay clean of alcohol and cigarettes
• meet a guy/have a boyfriend
• move out of my parent's house
• have kids
• pay for my own things
• get a car
• get married
• get less nervous/anxious in public places
• take better care of my skin
• be vegan/vegeterian
• take piano lessons
• stay kind and patient in all situations
• read everyday
• write everyday
• ???

So this is the main list. I will try to keep it in my future blog posts and cross out the things I accomplished one by one. Life will get better for me eventually. I just need to be more honest with myself and stop being scared of who I really am. 

I hope you can do it too.

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Miakoda ✿

Fireplace and Longer Hair

I've been working so hard on a short story lately, that I totally forgot to write my usual daily slice of life. I am terribly sorry about that.

So let's see. For a few days now, I've been trying to use my fireplace to make nice, warm fires. Where I live, the winters are extremely harsh, so even so we have heating in our home, it is still cold in the basement, where I spend most of my time. I've got myself burned several times now but finally, this morning, I successfully made one! I am indeed,very proud of myself. It doesn't look like much, but it's a small accomplishment to me.

Speaking of winter, it's getting colder and colder everyday. I wonder if it'll be a harder winter than last year. Last year, we only got snow on Christmas Eve, which is rare and disappointing. But now, we are only at the beginning of December, and it is already extremely cold out, and snow is to be seen everywhere. I am glad we are having a regular winter, but a warmer coat would've been appreciated. Or perhaps, better skills at fire-making.

Now that it's been a few months that I got my hair cut short again, I am more and more brought to let them grow back to a rather long lenght. I know it will take a while for them to grow back, but I feel like it is time I make that decision. In the mean time, I ordered a new wig. I am absolutely in love with wigs and everything related. I already have a few, but I needed a better quality-looking one and my old ones are starting to get old. This time, I ordered from a shop called Lockshop. It was my first time doing so, but I am pleased with the results. I might add a picture of it once I'll have it styled.
I think its a nice alternative while I wait for my mane to grow.




I think I will have to cut this short, two people from friend's family died a few days ago, and I am attending a memorial service this after-noon. I will gladly write more tomorrow if I have the time.


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Miakoda ✿

❅ Clay Masks and Christmas Plans ❅

 Weirdly enough even though I've been more relaxed these days, I've been breaking out and had nightmares almost every night. I don't know where it comes from. I've thought that I should try giving myself clay masks more often since they are so wonderfull for the skin. I have one in particular that smells and looks like chocolate. Yum! But it is not edible sadly.

Since winter is also arriving quickly, the air is more dry and the cold weather is not really helping either for my skin. Its so harsh I have to be very careful to cover myself when I go out. Logical but sometimes I forget what winter does to my face. Plus, I naturally have dry skin year round so its worse in winter.

Now writing about some of my Christmas projects. I am thinking of doing a Christmas/Winter related photoshoot/gallery with my new camera (Canon T3i Rebel) in my area. I think I could make something beautiful when the snow comes again. I would take pictures that represents some of my feelings about this season and what the Holiday means to me.

Also, I am working currently on a Vision Board that I will hang in my bedroom. I used a very large carton with a black font. I am using images from various magazines to make a collage about my goals and dreams. Some things that will motivate me and make me remember things I want in life.

As for work, I have a few catering contracts coming up. I think as of now, I have about 4-5 contracts in December. Maybe I will have more but for now that is it. Its not a lot of work, but it makes me able to pay for my phone bills and a few things I need here and there.

I'm also thinking about writing short stories on my blog but I haven't had a lot of inspiration to start with. Any ideas? Let me know. I love writing. Its a calming hobby and it eases my mind a lot. I can write about anything. I'm not very good at it, but I am getting better. That's the most important thing. If I work hard and keep practicing, I'll get better and I will be able to write enjoyable texts to read.

I wish you all a good night sleep ♥



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Miakoda ✿

Snowflakes and Butter Biscuits

Yes it started snowing again. What a great way to start the weekend! I woke up facing my window and I saw it, Thousands of little white specks falling down from a gray sky. I smiled. Its not as cold as I thought, but it never is when snowflakes are falling. I will be able to take photographs outside today I'm sure.

I took my breakfast this morning while looking at the frosty window. Nothing more relaxing than a chilly morning accompanied by a hot cup of tea.

Also, I finished my little sewing project. It is not perfect, but bare in mind that it is my first time doing it and I am working to get better at it. Here what it looks like!

It says,"Plant your own garden & Decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers". Just in case you weren't sure of what was written!

I want to hang it above my bed for a decoration project I have in mind. I want to sew five other pieces like this but with different quotes that speaks to me. I just started my second one and I will post a picture of it once it is finished.








Now changing subjects, I dyed my hair black last monday. I thought you would like to see the results so I took a picture. Unfortunately, we can't really see all of my hair on the picture, but it gives you an idea of how it looks:

It is extremely dark. Pitch black, just how I wanted it to be. Sometimes I'll wear an all black outfit and look a bit like Wednesday Adams with short hair! Haha.

Now, enough with hair news. Let's talk about something else.













Butter Biscuits. I love them. They remind me of Christmas. Maybe because I used to make them and use shaping tools to make them look like candy cane or little bears. Then I would take the hot ones that just came out of the oven and eat them with a hot chocolate while looking at my favorite kid's tv show. That were the days. I should make butter biscuits. They put me in one of those moods that everything is allright and you just have to relax. No worries. No stress. Just an evening close to a fireplace and a hot chocolate in hand. Perfect.

 I Love Christmas





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Miakoda ✿

When a Friend Falls

I make things so complicated sometimes. I make my own life lose its simplicity. I'm good at that. My head is full of bullshit about things that are untrue about myself and its killing me. But having someone you care about making it worse...I just can't handle it all the time.

I'm usually the one who forgives everyone all the time. I can't keep grudges. I'm being stepped on, beated verbally, and manipulated because I care too much about them and not enough about me. Its always the other person. But I deserve no pity, because I brought it all to myself.

I have that friend...that friend that I can't let go. Also as a family member,its even harder. But damn, how I can be so stupid sometimes. I know that they (that friend) lie so much, complete and utter bullshit. And yet I forgive and move on in silence because I know that they don't have a normal brain. Does it excuse them? I really wonder sometimes.

Its like when a retarded person kills someone....does their madness excuse their act? Oh, because they are retarded? No. I really don't believe so. But when its someone you know personally,...its so....different. Iactually am not sure how to react most of the time. Obviously, its not a question of murder, but lately they said they had taken drugs.

Sigh. What was I supposed to do really? I have a choice right? they do too. Its their life and if that friend wants to take drugs, drink alcohol, and fuck a thousand souls, its their choice. Right? What about me then. I have a choice too. I can choose to not be friends with someone like that. I, also, have that choice.

Since my mind is so weak lately, I should protect it and stay away from this. But then comes the "please forgive me", and I can't. I feel like I just can't not forgive. Is this wrong? Am I being naive?

So many questions, and yet no answers.

I forgave them again. But I need to set boundaries. I guess its the best I can do for now. If they cross my limit, I have a good reason to not forgive them the next time right? I gave that friend a warning so its not like I'm being selfish....or so I hope.


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Miakoda ✿

Ah well, Dear Diary!

Allright, what about today?

Well, let's see. I have a back injury since two weeks ago. Made me cry yesterday. Its rare that I cry from a physical pain. Its a bit better today but still, its probably because of the anti-inflamatories I took yesterday night. My right shoulder blade seems to think she can do whatever she pleases.

The back injury set aside, I started to sew. I'm still learning and I am clearlya novice, but I enjoy greatly doing so before bed. Very calming indeed.
I am sewing on a piece of cotton fabric the following quote:

"Plant your own garden & decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers"

And at the end, I added four small flowers to make it more cutesy. Pretty isn't it? I will add some pictures once it's finished. It won't be too long, I'm going pretty fast. I would love to do it on t-shirts as well. I think it would give it a nice look.



Now let's talk about the weather here. It stopped snowing. What a bummer. I think they said it would snow again soon. Plus, its still very cold. The Indian Summer isn't here yet so maybe we will have a bit more snow before. I hope so. I love to see snowflakes falling on the ground. When you put your head up and look at the sky while it's snowing, you only see a gray sky with bits of fluff flying around. Its like if giants had a pillow fight and fluff of pillows flew around after being reduced in pieces. That as well, is calming,

You may wonder why I always appreciate and notice calming sceneries. It's quite simple actually. I have a lot of anxiety in my body and mind. Anxiety that comes from nowhere. Anxiety, pain, worry, and panic. Why? I'd love to know exactly why too. What I can do, is sit still, listen, look, and see things of life that are naturally calming. Soothing, slow-paced and relaxing. It helps quite a bit. Anything I can do to calm my mind, I do. Its the best way to stay sane in my opinion.


I am so emotionally sensitive as well. I need to surround myself with people who understands and respect my fragile nature. Otherwise it is dangerous for me. If I stay careful, I will be okay.


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Miakoda ✿

Letter To The Undead

How I wished you could've seen how it was for us. You have only one vision, and its yours. Or at least the one you allow yourself to have. Its a shame really, how you think you're free. Yet all around you, there is suffering, and in most part, you're the reason its all happening.

I thought, when I was younger, that things could come back to how it was. People would forget, forgive, and move forward. But you decided that family and friends were not worth the honor you had left inside of you. Not because of what some thought of you,but because of what you thought of yourself.

You beg to differ, I know.

You lost much, I can tell. Im one of the things you lost forever and won't ever get back. I am not alone as well. It makes it even more sad for you. Am I sorry? No really.

I died a few times too you know. I was miserable, and there is a part of me that still am. Why is that, you may wonder? Well, you never asked for forgiveness. You rather thought it would be a splendid idea to laugh in our face and scream, "Lies!".




Really, Grand-father, what a shame.

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Miakoda ✿

After-noon Tea

It started to get cold. It's been snowing for three days now. I quite enjoy it. The air is fresh but harsh. Also, my puppy is way more cuddly, and she enjoys sleeping close to my neck at night.

We can also make fires in our home, its kind of amazing how doing so puts me in a meditative state.
They say the snow won't stay until winter. Its only November, usually winter's snow comes later. And what about the Indian Summer? It should be here in a few week. I like the snow. I can't wait until it really starts falling down for a few months.

I started to drink tea...more like I'm trying to drink more regularly. Its very good for my health.

Makes me feel better as well mentally. My favorite to drink are black tea, chamomile, oolong, and some more that I forgot the name of. 

I started to get into candles as well. Dry herbs and essence too. Its so calming and healthy. I feel amazing everytime I incorporate these things into my daily routine. I found a shop that sells all of these, but I haven't visited yet. I will next week, and hopefully they will let me take pictures. I would like to put some of my own photographs in my journal. It will make it even more personalized.

As for other news...I'm not too sure. I need to buy baby clothes for my sister-in-law. She's expecting and is due in January 2015. I can't wait to see the face of the little peanut! Very exciting. We'll only know the sex of the baby when she gives birth. Makes things even more natural and exciting. We are having what we call, a "baby shower" this Saturday were we flood the expecting mother with baby things to help her start out as a new mother. Its a joyfull day and I can't wait for it. 

Miakoda ✿